then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
