I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
