She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Welp...herpes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize