His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
