I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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