You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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