She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
