Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
