Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
