I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
