if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
