Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
