pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize