Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
