So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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