when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
