im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize