I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just blew my weed a kiss
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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