I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
