I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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