Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
