is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize