At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
