i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
