where am i from again
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
