Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
