Sober January is a disaster.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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