Just cropdusted the office
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
