i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
