Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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