When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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