I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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