I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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