ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
