im six kinds of drunk right now
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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