And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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