No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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