It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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