You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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