Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
