Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
