What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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