I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
