i don't like sucking hair
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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