you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
