If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
