listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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