Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
