you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
