We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think I am morally bankrupt
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
