Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
