A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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