There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
