dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
