rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
