I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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