it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
