Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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