1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize