my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
