i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
