I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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