the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
