Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
