Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
