dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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