So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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