you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
