Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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