As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
