I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
