that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
