i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
