i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
