This is not my ceiling
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
