my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize