I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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