ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
