First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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