Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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