i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
