Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
