Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
