so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
