What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
