Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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