He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
