physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize