dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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