im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
