yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
