I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
