you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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