While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
