If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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