dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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