Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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