google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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