You can't special order awesome
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
