We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
