Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
