she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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