I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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