just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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