me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Operation Purity has been aborted
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
