I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize