that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
