Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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