it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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