There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize