We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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